The Boneyard

Everytime I close my eyes, your waiting for me. Everytime I breath, I smell you. Everytime I laugh, I feel you. Everytime I think, I think of you. You are in everything I do. Right there beneath the surface, you are there. If I tried to rid myself of you, you come back. What am I supposed to do?

Who tells you that you are strong? How do you know it is true? People have always told me I am strong. I come from a line of very strong women. Weakness is not an option. When breaking seems the only thing left to do we turn our backs and work. We leave our worries behind us. There has got to be something better. If there isn’t something better than we will build something better. We will create the goodness that will keep us going. No matter what is thrown in my path I will overcome it, I will survive. If not for myself than for my children. I have reasons to be strong and no matter how I may feel, I know that pain can only last so long before you become numb to it. My will hardens more everyday. I am not alone, I will survive. I am strong.

MyHotComments

I’m going insane cooped in this house of torture and pain.
You’ve left without saying goodbye.
Now I am left with only this souless blame.

How I want to fly
Leave your shame behind.
Rain weeping from a colorless sky.

You say you only wanted to find.
A reason for all the ways
You were so blind

Nothing ever stays the same.

I’m hanging on by a fraying thread.
The strength I need fleeting.
Independence. Strength. Here today gone tomorrow.
All these doubts and worries plaguing my dreams.
Frustrations building till they implode inside me.
Sanity a distant thought. Enemies in every corner.
They’d love to see you fall. Don’t say a word for
it could be used against you later on in the day.
Past a deep wound that festers and ozes at the wrong times.
Regrets and pain hidden behind a fake smile.
New love tainted by old shadows, old poison.
Feeling helpless against the rage. Onslaught of the raging beast returns.
Turn the key, turn the page. Let the past stay there, where it belongs.
Trying to find a new hope. New strength. Those reserves running out.
It’s too late to apologize for many of things that was done.
Sleep in this bed, the thorns aren’t too sharp.
I doubt myself, and take it out on you.
What makes you leave everything you love for someone like me?
You know my past. You know my mistakes. You know my flaws.
Trying to grow out of this beast is like a plant trying to grow in the snow.
Disbelief of what has transpired. Frustration, at things I want to forget.
I find solace in your arms. I find shelter from the emotions that batter me.
They haunt me when your gone. I have to stay busy until I drop from exhaustion.
Wear out my mind and tire my body. I’m looking for dreamless sleep.
Slow down. Relax. Enjoy my children in their innocence. Children don’t stay naive for long.
Protect them from the poisonous snakes. Those who would speak out of turn. Out of spite.
Write till my hands cramp and my pen runs out of ink. Write till there is no more paper
and my walls are full. Write till my mind is empty and I can finally sleep. No good one thought leads
to another. I can’t stand it. I think I’ll shove this pen through my hand and watch the blood?
Perhaps, but nothing so morbid. Watching blood ooze from the black hole. Thick and slugish.
Metallic and tangy. Pain throbbing into your fingers. Look away with souless eyes.
Has your soul wandered? Lost in the whiteness of the etheral plaines. Run away! Cause I’m just hanging on by a thread.

One look
One touch
One word
One hit
One chance
One heart
One soul
A million pieces
One hope
One love
One saviour
Resolve harder than any wall
One person
Two children
One fight
Never giving up
One man
One woman
Two hearts
Million of fears
Healing embrase
Save me from myself.